Author

Sandra Koutzenko

Sandra is a learning and development leader and career advisor. She has over 12 years of professional experience across HR, product management, project management and business operations, with a focus on learning and training solutions.

She is also a certified Reiki practitioner as well as the published co-author of a non-fiction book about Frances Kelsey, the FDA doctor who saved the USA from Thalidomide.

In order to build greater self-love, here are three habits you can start building now. By practicing them every day, you will quickly notice improvements in all four areas listed above.

1 – Pay attention to your self-talk

The way we treat ourselves sets the tone for how others treat us. Thoughts are powerful reality-shaping tools. So how do we build an internal dialogue that supports self-love?

The first step is to challenge our self-deprecating inner voice. Here’s how you can do this: every time you notice yourself having a thought about yourself that doesn’t serve you (whether it’s about your looks, something you did, your intellect, something you said, your ability to perform a task… anything at all), follow this process.

– First, acknowledge the thought. Recognise that it exists and that it’s okay.
– Then, recognise that it doesn’t serve you anymore – you are now becoming a self-loving individual and you want to think good thoughts about yourself.
– Challenge the thought by forgiving yourself – for what triggered the thought, for having the thought.
– Offer yourself a positive thought to focus on instead. It’s a good idea to pick a thought that is related to the initial one – for instance, if you walked past a mirror and noticed that you don’t like your nose, balance this with finding something you do like about your appearance, and gently bring your attention towards this feature whenever you need a reminder that you are a beautiful person.

The other aspect of self-talk which also deserves attention is the way you talk about yourself to others. As a challenge for this new year, try building these few habits:
– Stop apologising for things that don’t deserve an apology – say ‘thank you’ instead of ‘sorry’ as much as you can. For instance, instead of ‘sorry for being late’, say ‘thank you for waiting for me’.
– Start accepting all compliments with a ‘thank you’ and a smile, without brushing them off.
– Stop your self-deprecating talk in conversations with others, in the same way you would in your conversations with yourself.

2 – Set aside time for gratitude

The daily practice of gratitude is life-changing, and it’s easy to implement.

To start with, set aside a few minutes every day (mornings are great for this) and find at least three things in your life that you are grateful for. Take the time to really think about these things, and to really feel the gratitude. Mentally thank yourself for building a life in which you have these wonderful things.

You can take it one step further by then picking three things about yourself that you are grateful for. What do you like about the way you look? What about the way you think or the things you create? What are the behaviours you have that are positive for yourself or for others around you? What do you bring to the world? What have you achieved?

Nothing is too small here, so long as it is something that has brought value to you or to someone else. If you smiled at the store employee and they smiled back at you, give yourself a pat on the back for brightening up someone’s day.

3 – Celebrate your achievements

This strategy made a big difference for me personally. On my last birthday, I found myself feeling like I’d accomplished very little over the year that had just passed, as it felt like my life was, overall, in a similar place as where it had been on my last birthday. I didn’t like this feeling, so I decided to make an inventory of the reality, in all areas of my life and listed all my achievements, one by one.

Doing this brought me to the realisation that I had been unfair to myself – I had, indeed, achieved a lot. I had stopped smoking. I had started a new relationship. I had started to build a new business. The reason why it felt underwhelming at the time was that many of my achievements were in areas that were still works in progress and in which I hadn’t yet reaped the rewards of my hard work.

Find your own way to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, all of them, even what seems small to you – or what you think would seem small to others.

It can be a daily, monthly or yearly practice. It can be something you bring in as and when you need it. Try it out and find what works for you.

All three of these habits are simple, yet take time and discipline to implement. The thing that matters most for success is consistency: keep practicing each habit, even if you fail a few times. It will come to you in time, and the reward will be worthwhile.